Saturday, October 31, 2009


My husband and I have finally hit that crux in a relationship where one goes from knowing some parts of a person to knowing most of that person. I've decided that it just takes about 2 years, no matter how long you knew each other before hand (unless, perhaps, you disagree with me and think that it's fine to have exceptionally close [emotionally] relationships with the opposite sex before marriage). And I can't begin to tell you how fun it is!

Amos and I were talking the other morning about different dreams and I mentioned the book that I'm writing. Not the one that is almost finished (I read a few chic lit books a couple years ago and said, unfortunately, outloud, "I could write this." and then my friends insisted that I prove it. So, after rolling my eyes for a couple years, I finally buckled down and started "The Reasons" which needs about 20 thousand more words to be finished.) but the other one... I've always been fascinated by the girl I was named after, Natasha Zhanova from the book The Persecutor. And for years I've had this story swirling in my mind that involves her and that time period...

Regardless, I was telling Amos about it and he really encouraged me to finish it. In fact, he offered to help me and to make sure that I had all the time I needed. And, he said that if I finished it, he'd sell a piece of equipment so I had money in case I needed to buy copies of the book to get it published.
Now, I don't have stars in my eyes about becoming an author... but it did make me realize that I can do this. I can finish it. Not to get a book on the market but just because I love writing. And I love this story.

It makes me excited. So, my resolution for 2010 (getting an early start!) is to get a rough draft written. 100,000 words at least.

Jesus, you know that I want this because I think you've placed all of these things inside me. You inspired my name. You gave me a love for Russia and the persecuted church. If this story can bring you glory in anyway, that's all I want. Lead and guide me. I don't want to get so set on this that I miss what you're doing but I kind of feel like this is what you're doing. I love you. Help me follow.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

A Day In My Life.

Amos and I have been married for just under 2 years. We recently returned from a 7 month trip to LaColline, Haiti and are now re-adjusting to life in the States. Amos works on farm tractors and I work (on-call) as a secretary for a local business. I try to keep my week mostly free to be at home since my husband works from home. This doesn't always work out the best... as you will see!

I wake up to my phone beeping. My usual waking time is closer to 6:30 but I haven't been feeling quite like myself lately. My mind goes over the days work... Then, I remember the phone call the night before. My dear friend, Delite, cares for five young children. Usually they are in school during the day and she is free to work at her second job, which she agreed to do this week, however, two of them are now home sick.

I decide that I had better get up and get dressed so I can see her for a few minutes before she leaves to take the other children to school. It doesn't work out quite that well because my husband pulls me back into bed with him when I go to kiss him goodbye. I giggle and promise that I will see him later as I disentangle myself and head out the door. I love my husband.

It is a long standing joke between us because I am an early bird and he is a night-owl. He'll stay up until all hours of the night working (he makes half our income after 9pm!) and I fall asleep long before he comes in. Sometimes I wake up when he gets there and other times I just snuggle into his arms and keep sleeping.

However, in the mornings, I'm up and about and he misses the warm body in the bed next to him. I'll usually be up for hours, cleaning and working in the house when I hear his pitiful call from the bedroom, "hhhhoooonnneeeyyy..." And when I come, he immediately pulls me back into bed to snuggle. Such a goof.

I arrive at Melvie's just in time to say goodbye to the other kids and hear Kimmy say to Delite, "Pleeeeeaasseee, can I stay home with Tasha? I was sick yesterday!" Delite laughed and kissed her forehead. "No. Now get in the car." I smile at Delite as I drop my bag on the kitchen table. It's easy to see there is no mother in this home. There are clothes everywhere and dishes piled in the sink. Well, no matter, I'm here now. Kimmy gives me a hug and kiss as she goes and the boys even manage to wave and say, "Hey, Tasha." (which is a great accomplishment for a 15 year old.) They can act pretty tough but one day they broke down and told me how nice it is when the house is clean and there is a snack ready when they get home from school. I know that I can't do it, but it made me want to go back in time and be a mother to him for the past ten years. My heart aches for these children. Don't get me wrong, though, their dad works hard and does his best by them. I'm proud of him.

My two sick, sleeping girls soon wake up and beg me to give them medicine. It takes a little bit to figure out when they had their last dose and I am soon measuring out 2 t. of grape flavored Tylenol. It looks disgusting. But, thankfully, it works. Jocelyn's fever breaks and I breath a sigh of relief. It had been rather high for a five year old. I take time to lay my hand on each of their heads and pray that God will bring them healing. They smile at me.

Four loads of laundry and two dishwasher loads later, the house is smelling and looking cleaner. The floors get swept. There is chicken and rice soup cooking and the girls are feeling well enough to watch a movie.

The girl's dad arrives home a bit early. He was worried about them. Once he sees they are doing better, he asks if I mind if he runs a couple errands. I tell him that's fine and he's soon gone again. I sit on the couch with Jocelyn and rub her feet. She sighs and looks at me, "I love you, Tashie." I smile back. "I love you too, Jocelyn."

Melvie is back and I'm packing up my stuff. He thanks me and asks if I'll be available on Wednesday if either of them are still sick. I tell him yes and head out.

I settle in the car and turn up the Bible CD that is playing. Hebrews. I love Hebrews. I smile as I listen...
I make a quick stop at the gas station, cringing as I turn over $25.02 for gasoline. The cringe because that didn't even fill my tank. Oh, well. I stop at the library to pick up a book I had ordered. They were having a sale on books, a grocery bag full for two dollars.

Needless to say, I filled a bag. There were several books on Russia that I wanted because I am in the middle of working on a book that takes place in Communist Russia.

I stop at my mother's to pick up the book, "The Persecutor." This is the auto-biography that inspired my name (Natasha) as well as the book I am working on.

I finally make it home. Amos is carrying in a half gallon of raw milk that his brother brought for us. I've been working at eating only certain foods because of PCOS and one this that has helped tremendously has been drinking raw milk. I also make yogurt and ice cream out of it. I think about making some yogurt today but then change my mind. My throat is feeling quite scratchy so instead, I opt for a long hot bath.

My husband comes in and tells me that he needs to go get some things at Jeremy's. I think about going then change my mind. They have 3 children and I don't want to get any of them sick.

Instead, I do a load of laundry and then curl up on the couch with a book.

Amos doesn't get home until late but it's okay with me. With waking up late in the morning, I suddenly remember that I haven't spent any time in the Word. I pull out my journal and smile at the last thing that is written... You, Jesus, are most important. Only you.

I spend some time thinking about and praying for the people in my life. Melvie and his five children. Brianna, my sister-in-law. Oh, how I miss her. Delite and her fiance. Danielle, who is living in Dubai. Elizabeth. Marsha, my other sister-in-law who is expecting her second child. I stop there and add, "Please, Jesus, don't let her go into labor until I am better! I really want to be there." Then I think that's a bit selfish. Then I decide that it's true! I was at the birth of all my nieces and I would hate to miss one.

I read some of Hebrews, reiterating when I heard on the Bible CD today.

I fall asleep thinking about how good it feels to be serving our God. He is so faithful. So wonderful. I am blessed beyond measure.

YLCF Blog Carnival

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Everday miracles.

Today I am sitting at another's house, watching two motherless children who are home sick from school. I realized, as I was doing the laundry, cleaning the very yucky kitchen and making the girls breakfast... that my heart comes alive when I care for children.

This isn't a great revelation or anything, I've known it for years. But it's been awhile since I've had a chance to work with any kids so it struck me again today.

The second thing that I realized is how much I long to write when life is beautiful. I was hurrying from doing the laundry to take the chicken out to defrost when I was caught up with a sudden desire to write. Unfortunately, I forgot my laptop at home. But the stories go swirling through my mind like crazy. My fingers itch to type them...
So, to keep me busy, I decided to write this entry instead.

These little facts may not seem like much to you who read this... but to me, they are miracles. It has been so long since I've been happy. Don't get me wrong, I've found joy in the midst of a lot of pain. But it's been a long while since I could sit and think about all the painful things I am dealing with right now and still feel this fluttering happiness.
Happiness is not necessary for contentment. Joy is. So, my life has not been lacking. It is simply that the deep things within me... like watching children and writing books... have been pushed away and ignored while I have focused on surviving and praising my Savior in the midst of frustrating circumstances.

And our God, is a god who brings peace into frustration. I've learned to surrender. Why do I wait so long? Why do I fight my Savior? My life is so full of sin at times that I am shocked at God's patience and love. But he continues being patient. He continues loving. He speaks light into my darkness and bring life to my death.

What a faithful God, have I!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

daybook entry. - October

Outside my window: A very windy, cold day!

I am thinking: About what I could possibly get for Anna Sliz for her bachelorette party tonight. I'm thinking a bar of organic dark chocolate. That's a good thing to say goodbye to singleness with...

From the learning rooms: Still studying Acts. On chapter 4.

I am thankful for: my amazing wonderful husband.

From the kitchen: Turkey soup and pumpkin biscotti.

I am wearing: work-out clothes because I'm planning to do Pilates in just a few moments.

I am creating: Been going through all my Bible-files... Book by book. Organizing notes/studies etc...

I am reading: Just finished "The Shadow Women" by Angela Hunt

I am hoping: To make it to the bank before three.

I am hearing: Mya giggling and Delite working out.

Around the house: Laundry is caught up. Kitchen is clean. Dishes are done. Dinner is cooking. It's a good day!

One of my favorite things: Mya saying, "Tashhha." And pointing to my lap. Why, yes, I would love to snuggle you... little sugarplum!

A few plans for the week: Getting ready for Anna's wedding! Yay!

A picture thought I am sharing: It's me and the sugarplum herself!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Oh, the joys of life...

This morning my in-laws came for breakfast. We had a lovely time eating eggs and toast and drinking coffee while we chatted about things. I want to get a copy of "HeartBridge" a book about Nathaniel Christian Orphanage in Romania, for my mother-in-law. I told her a couple stories from it and she just loved them.

Then, just as we were finishing breakfast my niece and nephew arrived to spend the day with us! We packed them up and went to church which was so much fun with them. I'm sure when I have my own kids it will be hard to have them in church every Sunday- but for now, I enjoyed it... a lot!

We took them back to the house afterwards and we all napped (although Lulu woke up first and I was half-awake listening to her then suddenly jerked awake because I didn't hear her and couldn't see her. Talk about panicking! She was just around the corner, standing still to fill her diaper. *laughs* But I was wide awake after that!) then the kids played and played...

They left at six and we drove around looking at the pretty leaves. Then we went to my parents to watch "EE-TAOW" (a documentary movie by New Tribes Missions... SO good. I cried. Just like I have every other time I've seen it.) and enjoyed root beer floats. Now we are playing amish dice and I have been instructed to close the computer.