Monday, October 20, 2008

A New Day.

Last night I had my first bout with depression since this past spring. Thankfully, I was able to go to sleep and wake up this morning feeling refreshed and new. I was singing my verse (to memorize verses my friends and I put them to music...) and felt my spirit lift even more:
"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, for through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

I love truth. It's so calming.

I worked on a sewing project for a few minutes then made chocolate angel food cake for my husband. I am not eating sugar (although this was made with whole wheat and raw sugar anyways) so I made it chocolate so I wouldn't be tempted to eat any. (I'm not a big fan of chocolate. Well, I like dark chocolate but not any chocolate cakes or ice cream.)

Somewhere in there my niece was dropped off. I love that little chunker munker. Then my sister-in-law called to ask how to make salsa and I decided to just go over and help her. So, I took my cake batter and the baby and a bunch of onions and peppers and went to visit the far of villiage of Castorland. (okay, 15 minutes away. Kind of far.)

The baby loves her Auntie Bee-anna anyways.

Amos said last night that maybe we could buy a cow in Haiti. I would LOVE to have fresh milk and butter... and I've always liked the idea of having a cow to feed the family. It makes sense. And it's WAY cheaper to house and feed a cow than to buy raw milk. Crazy but true.
Well, cheaper for us because we have a farm already. And Haiti IS one big farm. *laughs*


I'm a little distraught about this last bout with depression. I only get depressed when my body isn't functioning properly. It's been doing well for SO long and I've been careful with what I eat and what I do... and when I think about going through the emotional upheaval that I did before... I just want to curl up and die now.

There is a remote chance that I could actually be pregnant this time. But I don't even want to find out if I am or not because if not and it's just my body making more cysts and such... I don't think I could handle it.

So, I'm going to ignore it.

God, you know my fears. You know how much I don't want to face any of this. You also know what is best for me. You have given me so much.... so many promises. I can't help but think about Abraham and Sarah and their promises. How many times did she say what I am saying? That she just couldn't handle another month of unfulfilled promises. Not another year. Not another ten years. But she did. And she saw the fulfillment of your spoken word.

Give me endurance. Give me patience. And bring me healing.

4 comments:

Daniel's Mom said...

Truth is amazing! A friend of mine just purchased some goat's to make her own milk with!

Melody said...

Have you been diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome)? That's what I have. Depression is actually a symptom of it, along with the reoccuring cysts and wacky cycles.

Jenna said...

Hope you don't mind that I stop by your site once in awhile after seeing your comments on YLCF. You have beautiful faith. Keep trusting in God and He will care for you...

A couple random comments on your post:
I can't believe you have snow already! But, I guess I shouldn't be surprised if you live in upstate NY. :)

As for your time in Haiti, I like the cow idea, too. :)

nmetzler said...

Jenna,
I don't mind at all!
It was pretty early for snow but we've had so much rain this year that no one was surpised.

Thanks for commenting!