Friday, March 12, 2010

Failures and Dreams.

Seeking the King above all.

That's my goal. My hope. My dream.
Oh, how I fail...

Trusting Jesus with everything.

That's my goal. My hope. My dream.
Oh, how I fail...

Right now, today, I feel as if I will always follow. Always give all. Always trust. But tomorrow. Tomorrow all my ideals may collapse.

The most wonderful part? He is faithful. Even through all my failures. All my brokeness.

My husband and I are working (at times it seems so slowly!) at becoming foster parents. Even to write the words, I feel my heart begin to beat faster. My mind screams this is what I'm suppose to do! I know that God put this inside me.

He also told me, oh, so clearly, "walk slowly, following my steps."

I lose trust so quickly! My mind says, "NOW!" God says, "Wait."
I want what I want. Right this minute.
God is more concerned with my heart than my status or paperwork.

Oh, Jesus, I want to follow your lead.

There is a little boy, right now, who I want to raise. I want him in my home. I want to be telling him stories about Jesus and kissing him goodnight. He's all ready two. I don't want to wait until he is three. But I might have to.

I cry out to God... "Please, Jesus, please let him come to me!"
And God says, "Please, daughter, please, trust me."

Am I willing? Can I surrender? Again. And again. And again.

My knees are sore from praying. But is this but a lesson for the future? For I know that if this child comes to me then I will be on my knees praying for the next fifty years or so... Am I willing to begin now?

1 comment:

Isabella Blackstone said...

I just thought I'd let you know that this post really spoke to me. Keep writing! :)