Tuesday, February 16, 2010

fears.

In preparing for our "Set-Apart Retreat" through Women of Promise I've been going through some harsh soul-searching. It's been... at the very mildest, excruciatingly painful.

I hate to admit it but it’s true. I’m afraid of being different. I’m afraid of not being loved. I’d almost be willing to trade my relationship with my God for the approval of my friends. I want them to want to be with me more than I want to be with my King.

Oh, Jesus! Forgive me. Forgive my selfishness. Forgive my agonizing failings that haunt me. Cleanse me. Wash away these desires for the approval of man and turn my gaze again to your throne. I need you. Far more than I need them.

I am willing, Lord. I am willing to be set-apart. I am willing to be separate from those I love. I will not love my family or friends more than I love you. I will not. I choose you. Again. I choose you.

2 comments:

Anne said...

I understand parts of what you're feeling. I hate feeling judged or inferior by other people...but I have to care more about what God thinks of me. It's a process, and although I've come a long way in the past two years, I still have a LONG way to go!

Melody said...

Honestly you are one of the most humble and unselfish people I know. It is wonderful how much God teaches us when we do our best to serve others. I pray your retreat was a success and that God was glorified in the lives of those present.