The Will of God

Ever felt like life is fluttering away and you can not stop it?

There wasn't enough help for my husband to get the barn ready for our milk cows (although a few unexpected people showed up which helped tremendously!) so I have spent the past two weeks in the barn. Scraping. Hauling. Lifting. Load after load after load. My body aches.

My husband said to me today, "I'm sorry you have to work like a man, Honey. I wish I could do it all so you didn't have to."

I was beginning to think that I'm a wimp- the men work like that all the time! But his statement reminded me- no, I'm just a girl. And I'm so happy to be one!

The good part is that I'm pretty sure milking 2x a day will be RELAXING after these past two weeks.

I only have to go to the barn twice a day?! Praise the Lord!

At times I wonder about this venture of ours... Then I think about the man who sat at our table with us today saying, "God is so good. A miracle worker!" And he cried with us that God had somehow managed to get our farm paid off when we thought going to Haiti would ruin us financially.

And the man who sat there a few days ago and listened while Amos told him the gospel message from start to finish.

And the man who stood in our barn and asked questions about why we would be choosing what we were choosing. "God's leading." Seemed vague to him, so he asked more questions and we told him more about how God leads and guides his children...

I could go on. These are but a few of the dozens. It seems that every time I turn around I hear my husband sharing his faith with someone. I married an evangelist. Not a Billy Graham type- but a farmer type. And I am so proud. So very proud to be his wife.

Even if it means that I fall into bed bone tired every night. Or if I have to "work like a man" in the barn. Because beside him, I know that I'm in the will of God. And that is a glorious place to be.

Glories of Divine Love.

Death has been swallowed up by life.

Thank you, my wonderful, glorious Redeemer!

Taking Thoughts Captive.

Why can't I manage to control my thoughts?

I can think of so many bitter, unlovely things.

Why can't the beautiful sweet things come as naturally?

I want my thoughts to be swirls of loveliness. I want the unkind things of my past, my present and my future to be lost in the sweetness of them.

Why can't the ugliness be lost in the beauty? Why is it the other way around?

Oh, my God, Redeemer and friend. Heal me. I can be so bitter and empty. I don't want to be. I want to be full and beautiful. Have I lost all of my beauty in the midst of this? Am I wasting away into nothing? Or am I just realizing that I have always been nothing?

Pascal once referred to mankind as "licking the earth". I feel like that tonight. I lick the earth.

Nothing. Empty. Earth licker. Raw. Undesirable.

Remind me, God, of your unfailing love. Remind me why you picked me to be your child. How do you see me? Am I empty to you?

Annulment

In my devotions this morning I was reading in Isaiah 28 and found a verse that struck me...

Your covenant with death will be annulled; your agreement with the grave will not stand.

How many times in my life have I chosen death? My choice to sin is a "covenant" with death; an "agreement" with the grave.

But what does God do?

He annulls my covenant and crushes my agreement! That, my dear friends, is the crux of salvation.

Have I mentioned lately that I'm so happy that I'm God's? Because I am.

Rushing Waters.

I know that I've said this before... but I love the sound of rushing waters. In any form really. The trickle of a creek. The rush of a stream. The gentle lap of a pond. The crash of a waterfall. The spray of an ocean wave.

The Bible says that God's voice sounds like rushing waters. (Rev. 1)

Today I went down by a stream to pick a big bouquet of Lily of the Valley for my dear friend, Delite. She is getting married in just a few short weeks. Time is flying! There was a point, not too very long ago, when we both lived in a little house by a stream. We would go out sometimes and sit and listen to the water together. After awhile we would turn to each other and share what God had been saying. It was a lovely time. A time of longing (we were single and longing for husbands) and a time of rejoicing (we were single and enjoying the freedoms!) and most of all, a time of ministry (our every-day existance was to minister to the children on our street).

And now, just four years later, we're both moving on to different places in life. What seemed like it could be forever, was in actuality, a few short months.

Lord, remind me often to enjoy the place that I am at. I loved that time in life but I don't think that I fully appreciated the gift you were giving me through it. I would never go back- I am fully content. But just the fact that I can not ever go back is a reminder that I need to be treasuring today.

homemaking as art.

God has been speaking quietly to me again. Tasha, keep your heart at home.

Each place I've gone, (Above Rubies Retreat, Bible Study, friends house for dinner...) I have seen, heard or felt a call to creatively and diligently run my home.

Don't get me wrong: I would have said this before! But now I am seeing it more a "calling" from my King.

I've come to love the little things around the house. Washing dishes has become a task of diligence. It's my chance to work hard! Creating meals that are balanced and attractive has become an art form. Making a menu has been my art class, as I try out new designs to decorate the pages that will be pinned to the fridge.

And my garden. I realized, after talking to my husband, that through all my medical things, I'd become lazy! I tried to tell him about the gardens I had done in the past. His comment was, "I just don't know if we can be disciplined enough..." *gasp* Lord, forgive me! This used to be my strength and now my husband doesn't even know that I possess it! So, I've gotten to work. And I can tell! I'm stronger and have a lovely tan. And I've remembered the feeling of dirt under my nails and calluses on my hands.

It's an adventure. And I've loved every minute of it. It's great fun to fall asleep on the couch because I'm so exhausted.

Not to mention, I still have plenty of time for the things that I love. I read a book yesterday. I've been writing pages and pages on my next book. I've painted pictures, started sewing cloth napkins, visited friends and made bread. (My bread making is kind of a chance to do art... Never is a loaf the same at our house!)

It's been beautiful! God has blessed me. And, I've fallen more in love with my husband. (that was just a little added plus!) Working together is the best thing any couple can do, I believe.

The Joys of Motherhood.

This morning, as my husband and I walked through the parking lot at church- we discussed the fact that unlike many women in my situation (battling infertility) I still have so much joy on mothers day.

Then, as if to confirm the thought, two young men who spent time with us in Haiti stopped and leaned out the window to say "Happy Mother's Day, Mom!"

It really doesn't matter if I ever bear my own children. I wouldn't trade a single one of my "adopted" kids for anything in the world. I honestly could not imagine a natural child bringing me any more joy than those boys who were my "sons" for two weeks.

We were soon talking about how as Christians, when we learn to die to ourselves, to offer our own dreams and desires to God that we might be used for him, he always fills us with so much more than we could have imagined!

I do a lot of things wrong in life. The list could fill books... But I am so thankful that out of all the lessons I could have learned early in life- the ability to rejoice with others, even when I didn't receive the gift, was one that was driven home in my heart.

Some women without babies can't handle being around babies. I continually tell my friends that since I can't have kids, I'm requiring them to keep a steady supply of babies for me to snuggle and kiss. (They're doing pretty good so far) and I am SO glad that I can enjoy their children the way I can.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I know there is no power in myself that can bring about this heart. You did it in me. Your truths chase out the lies that could be snatching joy from my life. And thank you, Jesus, for giving me my "boys". And thank you, more than anything, that you put it in their hearts to call me Mom. You knew that was just what my heart needed. You are SO faithful!